Soo Im a bit different from everyone - I find that sexual relationships are between two people and whether my boyfriend is a man or not pornography isnt okay - especially when masterbation in our HOME is involved. (this is a bit desire im sorry..)We've been together two years which isnt that long - and near the beginning i knew my boyfriend looked at porn. We discussed it - I asked him not to be at pornography on my computer (SAVED on my computer no less) and that I considered that cheating because its still a sexual activity. I had no idea how bad his problem was.. I open lots of bear witness of all of his behaviour - cummy socks towels etc in his laundry pornography yet again on my computer (16 year olds getting shaved and having sex with a 40 year old man just after his wife leaves. etc) and I asked him about it. He told me straight to my face he wasnt doing anything. Anyhow measure night my boyfriend and I were on our laptops watching a movie and he seemed particularly interested in something - so i took a peak. I expected he was downloading music looking at websites. doing whatever - but not what I saw. I saw some girl gobbling down this guys penis like it was a candy. and then when I confronted him about it he LIED to me. I saw it and he was telling me he wasnt online at all. By the end of the night he had told me everything: his obsession with porn (he doesnt go on porn because he wants to he doesnt KNOW why. he does it and after he feels alter and bad..) and about how hes masterbated in every room of our house with the videos and pictures. He has tons of stuff on his harddrive (Im not sure how much because Im not going to snoop because I just cant command it and I dont want to assail his privacy anymore..). But I have told him that he must delete his porn (which he hasnt yet) and I ordain be checking him at random points - and that Im relatively good at finding things he thinks hes deleted off his harddrive (hes horrible at computers so he doesnt cover his tracks come up). He said thats fine because hes going to stop now. The problem is: it took until I actually saw the porn for him to "stop' and when we last had an arguement about this I was pretty upset and very clear that pornography is cheating in my eyes - ESPECIALLY if hes masterbating. He said he understood and it wouldnt be a problem because he didnt look at porn - so - I believed him and didnt discuss how we would deal with any pornography viewing he might undergo. I just cant get over how his harddrive is over 80% full and he only has music windows and pornography on his computer. He used my computer for pornography without asking me. Has lied repeatedly about it. Telling me that I should trust him after he wasnt honest with me when I first confronted him about the pornography use (change surface before my disapproval was made clear..) and coming up with lies about not being able to hold back his habit. Although several months before meeting me he was raped - could that have any affect on his behaviour? Anyhow. I just dont experience what to do - and I needed to vent. Im thinking about ending the whole thing: not because of the porn use but because of the lies because he brought it into our home and because recently we havent had a healthy sexual relationship because he's been pleasuring himself with pornography! I also asked my boyfriend to desire counciling (because if his impulses are as he describes and so frequent it's hurting our sexual relationship - then it isnt healthy) but he is refusing and that if I want to get I can.
Pornography is something that you evaluate of extremely. Your boyfriend has essentially stated that he will not stop viewing it and if you be to leave go ahead. This is affecting your relationship and your sex life. Essentially he's prioritized viewing pornography over having a relationship with you. get him with his hand and sock and get out. A man who will put porn over his girlfriend isn't worth being with.
How did he essentially say he wont forbid viewing it? Yeah this was where my instruct of thought was going - but more so because of the lies and affect on our sex life. Im just really confused why someone sensitive committed and whatnot can be such a porn-nut. He was the one to help me leave a abusive home and now he's chosing pornography over me - recently he's been a completely different person too (quick to anger self-absorbed. etc) so I have been considering the option for awhile - why on earth are relationships so pointless?Anyhow thanks for the advice aleadragonhawk maybe im not a complete nut for feeling pornography isnt necessary. and that my boyfriend's behaviour is wrong. PS: "get him with his transfer and sock.." You're a funny one.
How did he essentially say he wont stop viewing it? Yeah this was where my train of thought was going - but more so because of the lies and affect on our sex life. Im just really confused why someone sensitive committed and whatnot can be such a porn-nut. He was the one to help me leave a abusive home and now he's chosing pornography over me - recently he's been a completely different person too (quick to arouse self-absorbed. etc) so I have been considering the option for awhile - why on hide are relationships so pointless?Anyhow thanks for the advice aleadragonhawk maybe im not a complete nut for feeling pornography isnt necessary. and that my boyfriend's behaviour is wrong. PS: "get him with his transfer and hit.." You're a funny one.
He didn't really back up you get an abusive home he just moved you from one to another. Regardless of whether or not he's physically abused you choosing porn over you is akin to emotional abuse especially considering you've made it clear to him that it hurts you. And to answer your first challenge about how he "essentially" said he wouldn't stop viewing it? He still is isn't he? Obviously since you caught him he is. change surface though he may not have come straight out and said "No. I won't forbid," his continuing to do so shows that he's not willing to stop.
So if he doesnt delete his porn and doesnt be to show me that he's trust worthy with the no-porn issue it's measure to leave? Thanks guys that makes a lot of comprehend and makes me conclude better about the decision! I guess the tough part about all this is that I had no one to communicate to about this - and now its all making alittle more sense.(our area doesnt have a lot of give for abused kids). Once I met my boyfriend he and his family allowed me to be with them and he was supportive of me - not to mention it was him who was there at the hospital when my mother tried to committ me to a psych hospital.. Its all really complicated. and dramatic as heck. :P
buckdawg - homework? I was thinking i'd furnish him a questionaire to see if he answers all the questions to my expectations. What? You dont think that's a good idea? Oh come up back to the drawing board.. Seriously though. Im not being controlling - but Im very conservative on sex - is a one-on-one thing. I be to actually HAVE sex once in awhile for one. For two. I want to know hes thinking about me and not staring at various body parts because hes thinking about "suck-it-right-lisa" or whatever. It's more about knowing that he's being faithful - and pornography is basically cheating since you're looking at a naked woman (especially if its saved to your harddrive and you check her often. and have no desire for the woman who loves you.) I was honest with him from the beginning.
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