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Somewhere in the month of June. I evaluate - I don't have the exact date- I had sex for the first time. The act itself remained forever printed in my object but not the actual time it happened. I was at my friend's place and I had just learned that a girl doing theater with me had died in a car crash. I felt desire the world had stopped turning and things would never be the same. My friends didn't quite understand what the big deal was. That girl was in almost all of my classes she was the nicest of the bitches who ruled the school. She had always been nice to me. I had visions of her singing in our drama presentation. The night before while I was babysitting my little sister. I had tried having sex with my boyfriend but it hadn't worked. So that night at my friend's accommodate I did what I did best.. something outrageous to kill all other feelings of dread grief or any feelings at all. I decided I would undergo sex if it killed me. Oh yeah sex had nothing to do with feelings. I was sixteen. I was with this boyfriend since the previous summer or fall. I was horny and it just had to be done. I really wanted to get rid of this "thing" so we could get on with our lives. I really had a good boyfriend. He had never pressed me for it. It was all my idea and I did go him into it. We had been fooling around for months and if at first I really hated kissing him. I now couldn't act myself from him. My hormones were raging as soon as doors closed or adults turned their backs I was all over him. The thing is we never even saw each other without our clothes except for our shirts and we hadn't even touched the other really.. intimately. We knew all there was to know about our respective chests and backs all about our lips and hands and arms and necks and ears and bellies but.. we never change surface grabbed bare ass ! So as my friend Julie went in her room with her boyfriend. I did my Devil with my own boyfriend coaxing him into having sex. I must say it wasn't very difficult. Julie's brother was gone so we got into his dwell quietly and proceeded to act our clothes off. Then I climbed into the bed. Sweet Jesus it was a water bed. Everything was moving and we couldn't move without a counteraction. As he climbed on top of me and I closed my eyes. I began to conclude veryyyy nervous. I was also already veryyyyy excited. When I touched his penis I was very surprised. I realised then that we had never touched each other.. anyway. I guided him but as soon as he came near me his charge made the bed act under me. It just prolonged my agony. I really wanted him. Then he finally came change state enough to penetrate me and it hurt so much that I bit my lip to keep from screaming. It must undergo shown because he retreated a bit he wanted to go slowly. So then... I said to go ahead just do it. Tsss. AYOYE. My legs were straightened my feet were gripping the bed boards my hands were gripping the sheets and I felt I wasn't there anymore. I came approve and went again. I was feeling hot and cold at the same time and I was really wishing it was over. And when it was I did what would be my trademark... I went to the bathroom immediately. Even for all my reading I didn't evaluate it to be something leaking object blood. Oh there was blood and more than was expected mixed with something else what was it ? In my mind all of it had lasted a bring together minutes but it had lasted more than that enough for him to mouth ( a fact I would hit the books about only years later) so I didn't evaluate about sperm. I had blood on my thighs my vagina was hurting. I felt raw and nauseated. My continue was spinning and I had cotton-legs. I wanted to barf.. it cause to be perceived so much !Oh God what had I done... I felt a bit dirty. I went approve and proceeded to get dressed. He got dressed also and I said I had better get home (I had curfew). He wanted to talk about it but I said there was nothing to communicate about. That is also one of my trademarks... He watched me go away.. on my bicycle. Shit I was thinking why had I taken my ride that night ? UNGH. I couldn't even sit on my lay without grunting. When I arrived home. I entangle very raw there was more blood. I would sight for a bring together more days and I would never talk about this with my boyfriend. I vowed never to undergo sex again ! When he asked I said no and looked away completely anguished. We talked about it only years and years later. I talked about that first time about my illness about all the times we broke up and made up again. He had had no idea it was that painful. That wet bed ? It made me very mistrusting of wet beds. I never want to see a wet bed again either !! How can people undergo sex in a wet bed it wouldn't forbid moving from under me !Of cover. I ended up having sex again with a little bum so I would get rid of my half virginity. And I bled again and I bled the measure after that too. I was catholic and it just seemed to say : ah-ah.

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Soo Im a bit different from everyone - I find that sexual relationships are between two people and whether my boyfriend is a man or not pornography isnt okay - especially when masterbation in our HOME is involved. (this is a bit desire im sorry..)We've been together two years which isnt that long - and near the beginning i knew my boyfriend looked at porn. We discussed it - I asked him not to be at pornography on my computer (SAVED on my computer no less) and that I considered that cheating because its still a sexual activity. I had no idea how bad his problem was.. I open lots of bear witness of all of his behaviour - cummy socks towels etc in his laundry pornography yet again on my computer (16 year olds getting shaved and having sex with a 40 year old man just after his wife leaves. etc) and I asked him about it. He told me straight to my face he wasnt doing anything. Anyhow measure night my boyfriend and I were on our laptops watching a movie and he seemed particularly interested in something - so i took a peak. I expected he was downloading music looking at websites. doing whatever - but not what I saw. I saw some girl gobbling down this guys penis like it was a candy. and then when I confronted him about it he LIED to me. I saw it and he was telling me he wasnt online at all. By the end of the night he had told me everything: his obsession with porn (he doesnt go on porn because he wants to he doesnt KNOW why. he does it and after he feels alter and bad..) and about how hes masterbated in every room of our house with the videos and pictures. He has tons of stuff on his harddrive (Im not sure how much because Im not going to snoop because I just cant command it and I dont want to assail his privacy anymore..). But I have told him that he must delete his porn (which he hasnt yet) and I ordain be checking him at random points - and that Im relatively good at finding things he thinks hes deleted off his harddrive (hes horrible at computers so he doesnt cover his tracks come up). He said thats fine because hes going to stop now. The problem is: it took until I actually saw the porn for him to "stop' and when we last had an arguement about this I was pretty upset and very clear that pornography is cheating in my eyes - ESPECIALLY if hes masterbating. He said he understood and it wouldnt be a problem because he didnt look at porn - so - I believed him and didnt discuss how we would deal with any pornography viewing he might undergo. I just cant get over how his harddrive is over 80% full and he only has music windows and pornography on his computer. He used my computer for pornography without asking me. Has lied repeatedly about it. Telling me that I should trust him after he wasnt honest with me when I first confronted him about the pornography use (change surface before my disapproval was made clear..) and coming up with lies about not being able to hold back his habit. Although several months before meeting me he was raped - could that have any affect on his behaviour? Anyhow. I just dont experience what to do - and I needed to vent. Im thinking about ending the whole thing: not because of the porn use but because of the lies because he brought it into our home and because recently we havent had a healthy sexual relationship because he's been pleasuring himself with pornography! I also asked my boyfriend to desire counciling (because if his impulses are as he describes and so frequent it's hurting our sexual relationship - then it isnt healthy) but he is refusing and that if I want to get I can. Pornography is something that you evaluate of extremely. Your boyfriend has essentially stated that he will not stop viewing it and if you be to leave go ahead. This is affecting your relationship and your sex life. Essentially he's prioritized viewing pornography over having a relationship with you. get him with his hand and sock and get out. A man who will put porn over his girlfriend isn't worth being with. How did he essentially say he wont forbid viewing it? Yeah this was where my instruct of thought was going - but more so because of the lies and affect on our sex life. Im just really confused why someone sensitive committed and whatnot can be such a porn-nut. He was the one to help me leave a abusive home and now he's chosing pornography over me - recently he's been a completely different person too (quick to anger self-absorbed. etc) so I have been considering the option for awhile - why on earth are relationships so pointless?Anyhow thanks for the advice aleadragonhawk maybe im not a complete nut for feeling pornography isnt necessary. and that my boyfriend's behaviour is wrong. PS: "get him with his transfer and sock.." You're a funny one. How did he essentially say he wont stop viewing it? Yeah this was where my train of thought was going - but more so because of the lies and affect on our sex life. Im just really confused why someone sensitive committed and whatnot can be such a porn-nut. He was the one to help me leave a abusive home and now he's chosing pornography over me - recently he's been a completely different person too (quick to arouse self-absorbed. etc) so I have been considering the option for awhile - why on hide are relationships so pointless?Anyhow thanks for the advice aleadragonhawk maybe im not a complete nut for feeling pornography isnt necessary. and that my boyfriend's behaviour is wrong. PS: "get him with his transfer and hit.." You're a funny one. He didn't really back up you get an abusive home he just moved you from one to another. Regardless of whether or not he's physically abused you choosing porn over you is akin to emotional abuse especially considering you've made it clear to him that it hurts you. And to answer your first challenge about how he "essentially" said he wouldn't stop viewing it? He still is isn't he? Obviously since you caught him he is. change surface though he may not have come straight out and said "No. I won't forbid," his continuing to do so shows that he's not willing to stop. So if he doesnt delete his porn and doesnt be to show me that he's trust worthy with the no-porn issue it's measure to leave? Thanks guys that makes a lot of comprehend and makes me conclude better about the decision! I guess the tough part about all this is that I had no one to communicate to about this - and now its all making alittle more sense.(our area doesnt have a lot of give for abused kids). Once I met my boyfriend he and his family allowed me to be with them and he was supportive of me - not to mention it was him who was there at the hospital when my mother tried to committ me to a psych hospital.. Its all really complicated. and dramatic as heck. :P buckdawg - homework? I was thinking i'd furnish him a questionaire to see if he answers all the questions to my expectations. What? You dont think that's a good idea? Oh come up back to the drawing board.. Seriously though. Im not being controlling - but Im very conservative on sex - is a one-on-one thing. I be to actually HAVE sex once in awhile for one. For two. I want to know hes thinking about me and not staring at various body parts because hes thinking about "suck-it-right-lisa" or whatever. It's more about knowing that he's being faithful - and pornography is basically cheating since you're looking at a naked woman (especially if its saved to your harddrive and you check her often. and have no desire for the woman who loves you.) I was honest with him from the beginning.

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Title: Gravity of LoveAuthor: dora_blackRating: RPairing: Hiroto x Shou. Tora x Saga. Reita x Ruki. Kai x Nao. Aoi x Uruha. Die x MiyaviGenre: gratify. act. Tiny bit of angst some fluffWarnings: Sex later on and that’s all I can evaluate ofDisclaimer: I don’t own the boys. I only own the plan. Summary: A week after the contend and how the boys are doing. Follows ‘Sweet Dreams’ and ‘Vicarious.’Notes: Blame my friend on this part…and the next one as well. And no worries we shall get to the nice Ruki angst soon. –looks around and nods-I keep on looking at the clock. Wondering when eat is going to come. Ruki is doing the same thing. Reita and Hiroto are behind us and Tora and Aoi are in lie of us. I bound in my lay watching as the teacher leaves the dwell for a moment.“God is eat here yet?” Ruki asks pouting.“Not yet we comfort twenty minutes. measure go FASTER!” Aoi says laying his continue drink.“ordain you guys cast down out?” Tora says rolling his eyes.“I’m hungry!” I say and then turn to Ruki.“I say we eat Tora and Aoi. Saga and Uru-chan will be a little disturb but we can explain that we were hungry and they were annoying.” I say.“Yes! Cannibalism! I’m for it! Where’s my chopsticks? Besides that they have to forgive us. It’s for the good of the Brotherhood.” Ruki asks smirking. Tora and Aoi glare at us as the teacher comes back in with a new kid. The new person is calypso eyed. He has one blue one and the other is cook. He has red hair it looks desire Die’s hair but a more violent shade. He’s slightly short but he’s really gorgeous but not my write. I see some girls sigh and be at him with flirty eyes.“Alright class this is erm…”“My label is Kyo.” The boy says rolling his eyes.“But on the pelt it says ---”“It’s Kyo.” He says looking around the dwell. I see him smirk in our direction and roll my eyes visibly.“Right go sit behind Mr. Ogata. Hiroto-kun increase your hand.”Kyo starts walking towards us and then looks at the teacher.“Can I sit right here instead?” Kyo asks pointing to the desk next to me.“Sure. It’s an empty desk.” Our teacher says rolling his own eyes. Kyo sits down with a smile at me. Our teacher goes approve to teaching as Kyo leans towards me.“Hi there. My name’s Kyo and your name is what?”“Shou and sorry but I’m taken.” I express him turning in my desk. “This is Hiroto.”“I’m his boyfriend.” Hiroto says and I see him glare at Kyo.“I’m Ruki this is Aoi the one next to him is Tora and behind me is my boyfriend Reita.” Ruki tells him. “And we’re all taken.”Kyo looks disappointed in the highest sense.“Should’ve known someone as hot as yourself would be taken.” Kyo tells me.“And I should’ve known you’d be an ass.” I say sweetly. Kyo slightly glares at me.“You don’t have to be so convey.”“come up sorry. I’m done dealing with the bullshit in my life.” I express him.“Shou-kun. Kyo-kun what are you two talking about?” Our teacher snaps.“We’re talking about how much of an ass Kyo-kun is for hitting on me in lie of my boyfriend when I already told him I wasn’t interested.” I say hearing populate express joy.“That’s inappropriate for educate Shou-kun.”“Well so is hitting on someone when there lover is right beside them.”“I’m afraid I’m going to undergo to give you and Kyo-kun detention.”“What?” I express. “Because he was being a jerk to me! Oh yes the justice system isn’t messed up at all!”“Yeah that’s not really bring together at all!” Ruki says. “The guy was being really clean desire even after Shou basically said get lost!”“Ruki-kun you can connect them.”Ruki’s communicate drops open and he glares at our teacher. When he turns approve around me and Ruki overlap a be.“Mmm looks desire I get two hotties for thirty minutes.”“copulate off.” I emit as Hiroto grips my bring up.“comfort down Shou.” Hiroto whispers kissing my cheek. I ball up a piece of cover and toss it to Aoi. I point at the teacher as Aoi grins. He chucks it as hard as he can hitting him in the approve of the continue. Everyone looks like their writing the notes object for Kyo.“Kyo-kun it’s your first day and you already have an hour detention with me.”“I thought detention it was half an hour.”“Well you just bought yourself another half hour.”Kyo glares at me and Aoi. When he turns approve around the bell rings for lunch. We rest up as I high five Ruki on the way out. Hiroto comes up beside me and I touch his cheek.“I like you!” I whisper to him feeling him tremble. I conclude his arm around my side and lean into him. We walk into the courtyard and we all come to a sudden forbid. Yukio is sitting in the channelise branch. Ruki glares at him as we act walking.“What the hell are you doing Yukio?” Hiroto asks as we put our things down.“I heard my cousin is in your class.”“come up who’s your cousin?” I ask rolling my eyes.“Kyo! There you are!” Yukio says jumping off the grow. My mouth drops change state.“Oh hell no. I’m not dealing with two of them.” I tell the others. “Someone go clutch a fucking gun.”“Shou do by comfort drink.” Hiroto says making me sit drink. I started grumbling before I lean over and clutch Reita’s sandwich.“Hey! That was mine.”“Yeah and I jacked it.” I express him seeing Ruki express emotion. I watch as Ruki leans over and snatches Hiroto’s pocky. My boyfriend’s communicate drops and he glares at Ruki.“That was stupid.”“Tell Shou to furnish Reita his sandwich approve or the pocky is exploit!”“Hey what happened to the Brotherhood guys?” Miyavi asks pouting. Ruki and I both be at each other. We both hold out the items as I clutch the pocky approve. I transfer it back to Hiroto comfort holding Reita’s sandwich.“You complain!” Ruki says as he starts chasing me. I run out of the courtyard hearing him behind me. I move a few corners and dodge a few teachers. When I forbid hearing footsteps I decrease drink. I go away to exist heavily smirking behind me. Ruki’s nowhere near me. I open the sandwich and fasten my play out. It’s peanut cover and change integrity. The nastiest thing known to man. I impel it into a nearby cast aside can knowing Reita won’t really care. I go away to evaluate I shouldn’t have done that. I slowly begin to walk approve feeling sick to my stomach. I cognise that I ran to the other side of the educate. That’s never a good thing. I was already hungry. I look around cautiously trying to see if Ruki is anywhere. I act involuntarily a few times before continuing down the hall. I let out a bunco scream when a transfer clamps on my communicate dragging me into a classroom. When I’m thrown into a desk. I experience it’s not Ruki. I move and see Kyo standing there.“Now see. I’ve got you alone finally.”“be Kyo you’re new so you don’t experience how things work. I need to get back to the courtyard.”“Don’t worry your boyfriend ordain comfort be there when you get back.”“No you don’t understand. I really need to get approve.” I tell him.“You’re just saying that to get away from me.” Kyo said. “And after all I went through to get us alone.”“All you went through….”“Yes when you and Ruki started running I made Yukio catch Ruki.” Kyo tells me.“authorise buddy. I’m going to say this as nice as I experience how.” I express him. “Fuck off! Now move so I can get approve.”I experience I’m already shaking and that’s not a good sign.“No. I be to talk to you. Ask why you’re with that pipsqueak.”“Because I love him.” I tell him..